So instead, today I’m going to tell you a story…

The usurper crept into the palace as one of the guards was distracted, and seized control!

His name was Thomas...

We welcomed his rule at first, for he seemed gentle and innocuous. But soon his behavior became vain and erratic, and we tried to drift away.

However, we were forced to take many pictures of His Majesty.

Thomas on a brief stroll from his throne...

...but is soon back at his duty.

The visage of PURE EVIL.

Thomas announces an unpopular new bread tax.

I furtively consume a loaf, wary of spies and tattletales.

Will Thomas learn the errors of his ways? Will the humans escape from the iron rule of his serrated heel? Will there be more photographs of pigeons out of their natural habitat? Find out tomorrow!

Listening to: “Wreck of the Day” album by Anna Nalick. Fantastic love songs, basically. This is an album that I’d really like to get a CD copy of – hint, hint.

So, I didn’t follow up on my promise to write! Shame on me. The momentous prospect of detailing everything that’s been happening has basically made me keep avoiding this, and that’s a problem that only gets worse and worse… Hence, why I’m so bad at blogging. Well, it’s time for a reset, methinks, so now this page will have new stuff again! w00t.

So what have I been doing? As usual, almost nothing of consequence! I’ve been sick for the last week after working at me mum’s apartment on Saturday – fever, diarrhea, nasty stuff. Worst of all, when I went to the emergency room on Wednesday and waited for four hours, the doctor said that I didn’t have a fever and couldn’t prescribe anything! ABSURD. The sickness probably would have stopped me from going to Comic-Con anyway, so I feel less bad about forgetting to buy a ticket for it… :’(  Still, I finally feel better today, which is EXCELLENT.

Other than that, I’ve mostly been moping around the house and doing internet things, like Monroeville, the hardcore server of Urban Dead, and SF0 – well, more like marvel at the extreme awesomeness of other people and delaying doing anything myself. But wait! Something I did do for that!

Self-portrait

That took a week. Pencil-shading can be a bitch.

As for the future? Well, Matthew tells me that both Sarah Silverman and clander (the guy who does Stuff White People Like) are going to be talking in Hollywood at roughly the same time. AARGH. I will be going to the show with Sarah Silverman and praying that there are seats.

Also, I have decided on a resolution! Brace yourselves – I’m quoting L. Ron Hubbard:

“Happiness could be defined as the emotion of progress toward desirable goals.”

Increasingly I’m finding that I’m whittling the summer away, just as I feared. It hasn’t been all bad, but I haven’t done anything I consider an accomplishment. Therefore, I vow (read: hope fervently) that henceforth every day I will decide on a thing to do, then do it (or try to). These things could be anything from “write a piece of interactive fiction” to “draw someone else” to “learn to juggle,” anything at all I’ve been wanting to do. And once I get bored I’ll just pick a new goal to go for. And I’ll document it all here. Sound good? I’m starting tomorrow!

EDIT: I just added my Fall classes:

CS 245 (With Faculty. He really gets around, doesn’t he?)
CS 320 (With Sun)
Chem 101 (Well, actually I still need to get department consent. Which sucks, because I had just spent twenty minutes figuring out a schedule that let me avoid Friday classes. >:-( My family is making me take this for my “imminent transfer to Caltech”… Kat, whatever is a “recitation” anyway?)
Phil 230 (Because Rich sent an alarming letter about how elder status might be delayed because I’m missing one G.E. WTF.)

But in the meantime, I restarted my NationStates account, and I thought that this issue was neat enough to share. (NationStates is a nation simulator where you can see your twisted ideologies bear fruit. Check it out if you haven’t already.)

Larnainia Arius Decides:
Easter Egg: Zombie Attack!
The Issue

The dead are rising from their graves to feast on the flesh of the living! Currently, only Imaginary pet City has been affected. An immediate quarantine has been placed on the city, but with time running out for the survivors an emergency meeting has been called to decide what to do.
The Debate

1. “You have to destroy the city!” gasps Colin Broadside, one of the few who escaped before the quarantine. “It’s hell in there! If those things manage to escape then the whole country, nay the whole WORLD is doomed! We must send our biggest bombs into those streets and wipe them out!”

2. “No, there are people in there who need our help,” says Jean-Paul Johnson, armed with a Winchester rifle. “We can’t leave them to the mercy of the undead hordes. I say before we blow anything up we call in the army and anyone else willing to help, go in, track down any survivors we can find, and get them out. It’s dangerous, but it’s got to be done.”

3. “I think we should study these creatures,” muses Professor Jean-Paul Utopia, expert in biological warfare. “Zombiism? Reanimated dead tissue? Fascinating! This is a golden opportunity for our nation… why, we could unleash these on our enemies! Everyone would shake in terror of our undead army!”
4. “Wow, these unholy terrors are really scary,” notes Dave Trax, selling sausages in buns to bystanders. “They would make a great honeypot. I mean, how often do you see the living dead?! We could really turn a profit if we turn this place into a first-class thrill ride for visiting tourists. Want mustard?”

5. “I think we’re forgetting that these ‘zombies’ are people just like you and me!” objects Gregory Broadside, head of the newly-formed Undead Protection Alliance. “They deserve the respect that any deceased person should, if not more! Leave them alone, and let them have the city. It will be a victory for oppressed minorities everywhere!”

6. “Braaains… braaains…?” asks ardent anti-quarantine activist May Nagasawa. “Braaains… braaains… braaains!”

…Yeah, I don’t really have anything substantial to say right now that wouldn’t be wildly emo and incomprehensible. I could write something that I keep saying I will, but my heart isn’t really in it, as usual. I even wrote a new poem, but then it turned out to be the most emo thing I have ever written.

Still, I felt like I had to write something, so… hi?

I still have a genetic algorithm assignment to write, though, so I’m not completely out of the woods yet. (I hate post-final assignments.) Hopefully I’ll be able to muster the energy to finish it today, as tomorrow I’m going to a poetry reading of some sort with Matthew, and then there’s the SEC show on Sunday, and then San Clemente. Oh yeah, and I need to pack, too. Dig up all the bread and chips I can find so I don’t starve at the campsite.

The immediate future is still busy, but the worst is over. I’ll try to find time after San Clemente to blog more if not before – gather my thoughts and plan out the summer. It’s time to achieve those dreams, baby.

I’ll leave you with a slightly amusing spam email – apparently I’m Ender now. Sweet.

*
*
*
i saw your photo the other day on that site (youre cute!) maybe we can talk
sometime on windowslivemessenger my name there is jane87tiger@live.com add
me, talk to you there! Jane
*
*
*

Fri, 06 Jun 2008 21:40:14 -0200 2008 06 06 21 40 14  postmaster tmoiyael
upajybub ezeaqzak ufayaxla cstebyyhx
saptezyni yidiwaku eituevedi gixtet
kioged jxiafuczv j aedvzuihe
dzgd ecraqqufg ytybyfy eyynnopes
yntapu juoig
jdqfhxda buceimubi nzwbkyto orduea tedepiozo liiagi azqohlyj xifa
zcyccmedu qirebfxs huqyiosi kykyzoa b xeeuyuz jyseeyuqo cpkkuikoj
azakfdo oine lr nmzaleepy funhoyi qym yagokqnme hcvxhteim ktoin ywexoecs
ovudtezs efpag haucazwd gpolypxha keyoaltak ixitayxag iikoievyc p
eaipyqa piqpxilzp ivuaodee peky juleve yyuhdcci k ovohiwm feruaf oetod

I really have no idea what to say, but this made me want to post a (highly subjective) list of notable deaths that I had been compiling. It’s cruel to know that these people are gone, but crueler yet not to know.

Charles M. Schulz, creator of Peanuts – February 12, 2000, colon cancer
Douglas Adams, author of The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy – May 11, 2001, heart attack
George Harrison, of the Beatles – November 29, 2001, lung cancer
Edsger W. Dijkstra, computer scientist and inventor of Dijkstra’s algorithm – August 6, 2002, cancer
Charles Sheffield, science fiction author – November 2, 2002, brain tumor
Sid Sackson, creator of Acquire - November 6, 2002, undisclosed
The Space Shuttle Columbia – February 1, 2003, accident
Paul Getty, philanthropist and original founder of the Getty Center – April 17, 2003, chest infection
Milan Vukcevich, chess master and puzzle designer – May 10, 2003, metastatic tumor
Katharine Hepburn, famed actress – June 29, 2003, natural causes
Matt Jefferies, designer of the starship Enterprise – July 21, 2003, congestive heart failure
Donald Davidson, philosopher – August 30, 2003, undisclosed
Johnny Cash, famed musician – September 12, 2003, respiratory failure

[I haven't had time to scour the 2004-2006 deaths yet.]

Kurt Vonnegut, author of Cat’s Cradle and Slaughterhouse-Five - April 11, 2007, brain injuries from fall
Madeleine L’Engle, author of A Wrinkle in Time – September 6, 2007, natural causes
Robert Jordan, author of The Wheel of Time series – September 16, 2007, cardiac amylodosis
Heath Ledger, the Joker in the upcoming The Dark Knight – January 22, 2008, drug overdose
Gary Gygax, co-designer of Dungeons and Dragons – March 4, 2008, abdominal aortic aneurysm
Arthur C. Clarke, science fiction author – March 19, 2008, heart failure
John Archibald Wheeler, eminent physicist – April 13, 2008, pneumonia
Harvey Korman, Hedley Lamarr in Blazing Saddles – May 29, 2008, abdominal aortic aneurysm

I will be eternally sorry not to have been able to meet any of you. May your works and legacies carry on your names forevermore.

I do find it interesting that I seem to be pretty much the opposite of Captain Kirk, though. Anyway, back to making that James T. Kirk card.

EDIT: Behold, the wonders of Paint!

See, I wish I could blame Humphrey for this, but really it’s my own fault. I thought about doing Spock too because the frame would look prettier blue, but then the type line would have to be “Legendary Creature – Human Vulcan Lieutenant,” and I don’t think that would fit no matter how I squeezed it…

Here, in this verdant apple garden -
what a truly glorious winter morning!
A summer noon, really, but summer
must always pass to winter, and every day
but an echo of morning – and such times
are the dreamy essence of this fine August.

But here I sit in blessed reflection
watching, pondering, listening, dreaming;
lost in thought like the embrace of a lover,
blissful oblivion and ephemeral joy.
I hear the bright tinkle of celestial chimes
as my inward eye dreams of paradise lost.

Of course, my heart sings less of Eden
than that much sought-for September dawning!
In dreams I seek my heart’s desire,
forging love and wonder into morrow days.
Betwixt here and Tir na nÓg my Muse resides,
to guide me to be Metamorphoses, then Faust.

I’ll be high as to grasp the clouds ascendant,
drunk on the sweetness of future’s longing.
I yearn for that one poetic ember
to spring to flame and bring the fey.
Pen a flawless lyric, a lovely rhyme -
beauty to move worlds, at what cost?

Yet oh what beauty, oh what art
to excite the senses and thrill the heart!

Anyway, here’s my scripted solution for the puzzle in this old xkcd comic. (I seem to be linking to xkcd more and more often.) The problem is basically a more specific variant of the knapsack problem, or, alternatively, an extension of the subset-sum problem (Wikipedia them yourself if you have no idea what I’m talking about ). The output: either 7 mixed fruits, or 1 mixed fruit, 2 hot wings and 1 sampler plate.

Here’s the Java code. It’s a very brute-force solution with lots of static variables, but hey, NP-complete. At least I made the code pretty versatile.

public class AppetizerProblem {

   // Declare static variables
   final static int numItems = 6;
   final static int target = 1505;
   final static int[] prices = {215, 275, 335, 355, 420, 580};
   static int[] quantities = new int[numItems];
   static int[] maxQuantities = new int[numItems];
   final static String[] names = {"mixed fruit", "french fries", "side salad",
         "hot wings", "mozzarella sticks", "sampler plate"};
   static boolean hasSolution = false;

   public static void main(String[] args) {
      // Set maxQuantities to be the theoretical maximum of each appetizer
      for (int i = 0; i < numItems; i++)
         maxQuantities[i] = target / prices[i];

      iterate(0);

      if (!hasSolution)
         System.out.print("No solution.");
   }

   // A recursive function to simulate a variable-size nested loop
   static void iterate(int index) {
      // Is this the innermost loop?
      if (index >= numItems) {
      for (int i = 0; i = numItems) {
         checkOrder();
         return;
      }
      // Has this level of the loop completed?
      if (quantities[index] > maxQuantities[index]) {
         quantities[index] = 0;	// Reset this quantity
         return;	            // Go back up a level
      }
      iterate(index + 1);	// Proceed inward
      quantities[index]++;	// Reached the end of this loop, so increment quantity
      iterate(index);		// Re-iterate
   }

   // Check whether the price of the order is equal to the target
   static void checkOrder() {
      int sum = 0;
      String output = "";
      // Compute total price
      for (int i = 0; i < numItems; i++)
         if (quantities[i] != 0) {
            sum += quantities[i] * prices[i];
            output += ", " + quantities[i] + " " + names[i];
         }
      // If the price checks out, print the order
      if (sum == target) {
         System.out.println(output.substring(2));
         hasSolution = true;
      }
   }

}

Whoa, “” is 1337zorz.

As for Iron Man: it was really good! I doubt if I’ve ever seen a better-executed superhero film. It managed to blend wit, good acting, and badass, and all without being at all clichéd. I very much look forward to seeing the first third that I missed.

The party turned out to consist of Segall, Nagy, an old friend of Segall’s by the name of Matthew Gilson (not exactly my idea of what would happen if one put Matthew and Gilson together), and myself. Matthew got picked up pretty soon after the movie. The Davids accompanied me to the Magic tournament, but day 2 had just finished. We did see a bunch of professional players though, including Paul Cheon (former EEPster and former U.S. National champion).

After that we walked over to the Spottiswoodes for dinner (sandwiches, tea, cake, all very British) and a rousing game of poker between us three, Natasha, and Tatiana. I ended up getting quite lucky and winning nearly twenty dollars, to my surprise. Apparently I have this amazing ability to always have a three-of-a-kind when I need one.

By then it was quite late, so we bid goodnight to the girls and headed to Segall’s place, which is nice and quite large. Sleep was good. The next morning there was TV and Smash (the original) before Nagy and I left Segall to do his homework. Nagy’s mom was kind enough to drop me off at the Magic tournament, where I spent the afternoon watching the semifinals and finals of the Pro Tour. Then I bused home, and it was six by the time I got back.

Today morning Jordan invited me to his place, but I had to decline. And, of course, I still ended up getting absolutely nothing done. I can only blog when I’m supposed to be doing homework, it seems. I’m going to go finish my bio paper, and then if it’s not too late I’ll post something nerdy. Wish me luck!